Stubble and Dresses

Sometimes, the stubble that lined Remy’s face was perfect. Fitting. It brought out this masculinity to their form that they enjoyed. Today though, as they stood in front the mirror hanging from their door, every inch of them looked wrong. They flattened their hands over their chest, the pecs completely the wrong shape and feeling. The pecs were muscle, not soft and giving flesh. They were for a man, not a woman.

Their hands moved down their stomach, and to anyone else, it might have been considered perfect. But they wanted soft. They wanted curves. They wanted a body that would fit nicely in the summer dress laid out on the bed, but this one wouldn’t do. Remy frowned, ran their hand over their face and feeling it roughed against the scruff. That was easy enough, a shave and lotion, then makeup. But this stupid body.

“Hun, you almost ready? We’re going to start the barbecue up.”

The voice of their mother startled them from their self-hate reverie. “Yeah, almost!” They called back, pitching their voice up an octave. It was better, but not perfect.

Remy’s mother was perfect about all of this. She supported Remy, talked Remy into a therapist, and had bought the dress that sat on the bed. They were lucky that way, having a family that supported them, but it didn’t completely take away the pain of those feminine moments when nothing seemed okay.

With a sigh, Remy turned from the mirror and hurried to the bathroom. Shave, makeup. Then into the dress and no looking at a mirror again. Let the family tell them they looked nice, and maybe then they would believe it.

As Remy stepped outside with bare feet, their mother turned a smile towards them. “Oh, it fits! Good. It’s a pretty color on you.”

Remy smiled, though it didn’t feel as sincere as they’d tried to make it. “Thanks, mom.” They hugged her, knowing they couldn’t get out of it once their mother’s arms wrapped about them. They inhaled deeply and the smell of baked goods plus a sweet rosy perfume pervaded their senses, triggering memories of ‘mom’ immediately. Home was good, the dress was good, and they would be damned if they let today be anything other than good.